Thursday, April 19, 2012

Petrino Time

Okay, I held off a while to let the pain die down for my Hog fan friends, but it's time.

Let's talk about Bobby 'fucktard' Petrino. What an ass. But really, what did you expect? When he was hired four years ago, I warned all my Hog friends that this was going to end badly. When you hire a coach who has proved he'll lie to his employers while shaking their hand, you know you've hired a liar. When you hire a coach who will leave his current team in midseason to take your job, you know you've hired someone who has no loyalty. When you hire a coach who will interview elsewhere behind your back, you know you've hired someone devoid of integrity. **I'm coming back to this, code word: wombat**

Honestly though, this wasn't the end I foresaw. I thoroughly expected him to improve Arkansas enough to get into a Cotton Bowl (or similar), and leave after the season for a more glamorous job, leaving the team to be coached in the Bowl Game by an assistant coach; deserting players, staff, fans, and administration like a two dollar whore on the side of the road. I actually halfway expected him to be at Ohio State last year. That would have fit his M.O. to a T. (See what I did there?)

However, I didn't realize he also had a generous helping of stupidity thrown in with the other undesirable traits. So, you're a rich and famous coach, and you have a 25 year old girlfriend. So what? It's the SEC; successful coaches can get away with that without even raising eyebrows. It's probably expected. (I don't know for sure, I'm still trying to get the feel of the SEC, but I feel sure that if Nick Saban was human he'd have a girlfriend; and she'd be better looking than Petrino's.) But when you hired Jessica Dorrell for a position (missionary, presumably) that pays $55,700! For which she's unqualified! Over 158 other applicants! It's gone beyond coaching. That's HR territory, sexual harassment, and they don't fuck around with impropriety down in HR. But the thing is: even with all that, he probably could have still gotten away with it if he'd kept it on the down low. Just be cool. Just don't create a national story that can't be covered up. Oops! Damn! UA thought and thought, and hemmed and hawed, and just couldn't come up with a way to justify not firing him. God knows Jeff Long tried.

Jeff Long. WTF!?! Seriously, he tried everything he could to not have to fire Petrino, but he just couldn't pull it off. There was one way. He would have had to hold a press conference and say, "Football is more important to the University than anything else so we're keeping the coach! Fuck sexual harassment laws, fuck fair hiring practices, fuck academics, and fuck Ole Miss!" He'd have to throw in the Ole Miss line to get all the Hog fans in line, obviously. (Non Arkansans might not get that, just think of MU and those ass-licking, blue and red chicken fuckers to the west and you'll understand.) But I digress. WOMBAT! (Remember the code?) Jeff Long is being hailed as a hero of all that is good and noble in college administrations....but he's the one who hired Petrino in the first place! Long hired a known liar, quitter, and sleaze, and now, somehow, he's getting credit for firing him for being a liar and a sleaze. Dafuq? And if anybody believes Long didn't know about Jessica Dorrell's hiring in the first place, I've got a beautiful bridge over by Caruthersville for sale. Reaches all the way across the Mississippi River to Fantasy Land.
Happy Kickoffs,

P.S. M-I-Z! Go Tigers! Z-O-U! Also, thanks to UA for giving us something to laugh about our first year in the SEC. You shouldn't have, but it's such a thoughful present.

1 comment:

  1. I thought Missouri was a journalism school. You'd think they could teach someone how to write a lucid thought in the process.